Sweet Tea, Advocacy and Me

"My peace I give to you” John 14:27 God is in control of everything. Without this assurance, the world is a scary place. He loves me and will see me through every circumstance, no matter how difficult or painful it may be. To have Christ’s peace, I must surrender my life to Him. When I hold onto my ways and plans, I’ll experience turmoil. I have a limited perspective and understanding of my circumstances and God’s purposes for allowing them. His goals for me are greater than my immediate comfort. The Lord promises to work all things out for my good. He is continually working to transform my character into Christ’s image. I must live in sync with God, walking in the Spirit and promptly confessing and repenting of sin. Scripture is my foundation for peace. It increases my trust in the Lord’s goodness, assures me that He keeps His promises, and reminds me of His sovereignty over every situation. If we should hold on to any form of comfort on this side of heaven it should

' Mercy, peace and love be multiplied to you.' -Jude 1:2 This frigid first day of winter of 2012, Dec 21 I'm seated on my couch wrapped up in a warm cozy blanket.  The things that surround me are my five-year-old daughter twirling around asking if she looks like a princess. Sitting to my left is my amazing husband -of whom we've truly been through better or for worse in our short 11 years together-is watching a sermon in his past time and taking care of my every beck and call as I recover from surgery.  In front of me is our beautiful Christmas tree with ornaments that remind us of where/and what we've come from and this year we are blessed enough to have an abundance of gifts under the tree for each other.  And sitting to my right, is a precious 6-day-old baby boy, Jude Allen.   It was December 21, 2011, exactly a year ago today, that we had a little one go from this world to Jesus' arms in Heaven.  You can read the post I wrote that day here:

Every morning I love to read Mars Hill's devotional. Today's was especially meaningful to me, to us. If I could sum up the past couple of years in all of it's lows in the trials it would be the title of todays devotional 'Grace in the Darkness' along with the words 'Lay me low, and keep me there' that is in the poem at the end of devotional. Here is the paragraph that took my breath away in relating to grace in the darkness: 'Real growth in grace is the result of sanctified trials. God often takes away our comforts and our privileges in order to make us better Christians. He trains His soldiers, not in tents of ease and luxury, but by turning them out and using them to forced marches and hard service. He makes them ford through streams, swim through rivers, climb mountains, and walk many a long mile with knapsacks of sorrows on their backs...' "Trials make the promise sweet, Trials give new life to prayer, Trials bring me to His feet, La

I admit that I've been easily distracted the past two weeks.  Have you ever been in the a test that you never realized you were in until it just exploded in your face?  And at that point you're like, "Oh my gosh! I'm such an idiot, how could I have not seen this?"  I think that I've slipped on living in  and by  the Spirit the past two weeks.  Instead of beating myself up over my sin, making myself pay subconsciously and trying to 'make it up' to God, I'm being wrapped up in His grace. I have recognized the importance of reflecting on my emotions instead of just shoving them down deep inside or all together ignoring them.  So what is it that has had me so distracted?  A house. A place to call home.  Here is the part I sound totally ungrateful and like a child ;) It's been nine or ten years that I've been on my own, as an adult and boy has it been a roller coaster but I wouldn't trade it for anything because the Lord has been faithfu

Yesterday I was a little burdened, in a healthy way, about how Neal and I can continue make God real to Emery. I want to make sure we don't create God to be a small god, who is stuck in a box, powerless, that rules with an iron rod and lacks the ability of relation with His children on earth. I know that only God himself and the Holy Spirit can truly reveal themselves to Emery but as her parents we have the responsibility and privilege to express to her, teach her and represent the Trinity in a way that is real to her.  Lately I've been wondering if all of our talk about God and Jesus are really sinking in and if we are being a good enough example to her, after all, actions speak louder then words.  God answered my heart's curiosity this morning by this short conversation :) 'Mommy? Can I write a message?' 'Of course Emery!'  After a few minutes of scribbling in her journal she walked her letter over to me and told me she'd like to read i

'For You have made me rejoice, Lord, by what You have done; I will shout for joy because of the works of Your hands, How magnificent are Your works, Lord, how profound Your thoughts!' Psalm 92:4-5 Sept 4, 2012.   Today was suppose to be a day of significance wrapped up in anxiety and distress. It was a day the enemy worked so hard to pour salt into our wounds and to get us to just give up.  Sept 4, 2012 was suppose to be our appeal date in the State of Maryland.  The state's case was that my husband's Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder was not job-related as a Maryland State Trooper.  Today was our fight against the system, it was our opportunity to bring our witnesses, put a face to our name as well as our case.  It was beyond reasoning us (as well as everyone else who knew our story) that they could make such a claim and that they were able to stretch it out over three very painful years.  Pain, frustration, anger, depression, oppression, financial strain, livi

I know this post is long but if you read it, it's a story of God's goodness and provision and worth the read all the way through.  He is good! (The writing in gray are some small but very important details I forgot to add last night). If you know Neal, you'll hear him say every once and a while, "I'm pulling the crazy card." That's what I love about my husband, he can make light of his PTSD. Neal's first car had the license plate that read, "JRM 813." So the joke was it meant, 'Jessica Really Makes Haines Absolutely Crazy', each number corresponding to it's place in the alphabet.  Well I think it's official.....this Haines family unit is crazy or seems crazy ;)  And for once I can honestly say I'm fine with how ever we look! (Gal. 1:10). With the help of the Lord I've been able to get a hold of the idol of pleasing people instead of God. Let me rewind to explain why we are writing this post tonight :)  Thin

The second Greek word for patience in the Bible is makrothumia.   This word is a quality found in the fruit of the Spirit and  means "long-suffering in respect to persons."  Just as the key to hupomone  (capacity to bear up under things or circumstances) is inspired by hope,  makrothumia is fueled by mercy. I've learned of myself that I have much  more patience with God then with people.  Beth Moore states though, "God's priority will always be how we treat people over circumstances."  I stand guilty of a lack of patience with people.  But you know what, God has gently rebuked me and taught me a few things. 1)  It's His patience with me (and all of mankind) that is salvation (2 Peter 3:9).  He also commands me to His form of patience. 2)  I have not possessed mercy as God has and I am called to do this. Recently God placed someone in my life for me to disciple.  I took this role very seriously and was honored just as Paul said in 1 Thessalonians

I highly recommend Beth Moore's "Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring The Fruit Of The Spirit."  I will be eventually blog the lessons He has taught me through this study which leads me to my #1 lesson..... Patience.  If you really know me well you know I am a very  impatient gal.  Like most people who live in today's culture, I want something when I want it. In fact, it makes me mad or unsettled when I do have to wait.  Our culture is soaked with impatience, every where you look and go.  The first word in the Bible for patience is the Greek word hupomone which means 'to persevere, remain under...bearing up under....refers to that quality of character which does not allow one to surrender to or succumb under trial.' It's endurance in relation to "things or circumstances."  This patience is inspired by hope in Jesus Christ. This word for hope  is elpis  which means, 'the desire of some good with expectation of obtaining it." It's a pos

I asked Emery if she wanted a girl or a boy for a sibling and her response right away was, "A boy!"  I thought for sure she'd say a girl but just when you think you can read their thoughts they surprise you :)   I asked her why and her response was, "Boys have hair that go to the side and is clear, you know like my friend Sam?  Girls hair can be messy and they have that little pony tail up top their head (I believe she is referring to the pebbles pony tail) and I don't like that." So we went to the doctor Friday, July 13th 2012 and for sure, it's a boy!  Neal's response was a huge smile, along with Emery.  In the car Neal said, "I made a man!'  It was so precious to see them glowing the rest of the day.   Me, I'm excited to have one of each. So blessed but at the same time nervous b/c all that goes through my head is stated perfectly from this cartoon I read in a book: "Wow, I'm pregnant again! *Gasp* What if it's a boy?? I

The people who share your physical blood. The people who share the common bond of being chosen, covered, forgiven, made righteous for eternal life all by the blood of one Man.   Which is stronger?   Many people will say your family (genetic family) is the strongest and most important thing you'll ever have.  I do agree that your family should be important, held in high regard and sacred.  What happens when your own flesh and blood is the thorn in your side as Paul speaks about in 2 Corinthians?  This is when things get so heart-wrenching and gray, a fertile ground for the enemy to play his games.   I believe that if we are true disciples of Christ then we need to love one another (John 13:35) and 'If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone' (Romans 12:18).  To add to that, we are commanded in Matthew 5 to 'love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.'  This has got to be the hardest command.  How do you love someone who alway

Wealth, health, love, friendships will all fade away and when it does what would I have left if I didn't have my faith and trust in God? In my life, I've lost a lot and I'm so thankful.  I've lost the man I loved for years, a child, I've lost a house, financial peace, friendships I thought were true, family that has shown me only conditional love and turned their backs when things get tough and more but Christ and His love and faithfulness is the only truth thing in life that has sustained me.   Whether we admit it or not, we all desire to be loved and accepted unconditionally.  Where can you find this love in today's 'riches'? In money? A degree or career? Marriage? Best friend? Being a giver of life, a mother? In a purse or boat or house?  Our flesh pursues all of these avenues for fulfillment.  It's important to enjoy marriages, Biblical friendships, to be thankful for the income God has provided, etc but how will we react when it all diss

Biblical Christianity vs. Cultural Christianity is a battle that's laid heavily on my heart today. If we truly are that 7% (Biblical Christians) then shouldn't our decisions and actions line up with the Word instead of the world? I understand we are covered by grace through faith but the more we align our lives with the Word and are obsessed with Jesus the more we reflect Christ and the easier it is to say no to the ways of the world and yes to Christ's narrow path

My heart just ACHES when people say they know they are in a spiritual battle but give up at a crucial point in the battle. When you feel like giving up, throwing in the towel, becoming depressed etc is when you need to not   live by your emotions and put on the full armor of God!!! When we give up we let the enemy's flaming arrows penetrate our hearts and minds. Why do we not take a spiritual battle as seriously as a physical battle? Ephesians 6

The Lord is moving in our lives, circumcising our desires & selfishness to line up with His.  He has renewed the passion in Neal's heart to be a pastor, to teach, to be in ministry.  He has placed a new desire for church planting and placed within both of our hearts a hungering for more of the Lord, more of His truth, to reflect more of Him, to know more of Him and to fulfill the Great Commission. 3 weeks ago Neal felt the need to go on a  prayer walk with God. 1 1/2 hours later he came back and told me  that the Lord told him, "Be Still."  We  didn't know what that meant but knew this was a clear message. A few days later Neal came across Mark Driscoll's internship and pastoral residency program details and looked at me and said, "Do you want to move to Seattle, WA?"  My first thought was, 'no way, no way, no way! I LOVE TN. I love my church, my friends, my family, the weather, everything about TN so why would I want to move to a rainy/col

This song is very dear to my heart and always on my lips. It's The Desert Song from Hillsong. It goes like this: Verse 1: This is my prayer in the desert And all that's within me feels dry This is my prayer in my hunger and need My God is the God who provides Verse 2: And this is my prayer in the fire In weakness or trial or pain There is a faith proved Of more worth than gold So refine me Lord through the flames Chorus: And I will bring praise I will bring praise No weapon formed against me shall remain I will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and He is here Verse 3: And this is my prayer in the battle When triumph is still on it's way I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ So firm on His promise I'll stand Bridge: All of my life In every season You are still God I have a reason to sing I have a reason to worship Verse 4: This is my prayer in the harvest When favor and providence flow I know I'm filled to be emptied again The seed I've received I

God's been asking me: "Where is your identity? What's your motive of  heart?" Tough questions. Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!  Psalm 139:23

It was time to move forward in our family. It was time to give Emery Grace a sibling, after all, she has been begging for months. Finally we are pregnant.  We find out the week before Christmas.  There is a lot of death happening around us. A lot of police officers were killed in December and a dear friend went to be with Jesus due to battling with cancer for years.  With all that death I had a feeling God was preparing me for something but I didn't want to really think about it. Then I was cooking and I clearly heard Him whisper to me, "Jessica, are you going to trust me with this baby?" My reply was, "Yes Lord. I will.  It will be hard but I will. Instead of being anxious like I was while being pregnant with Emery I will trust you.  I trusted you to make this new life in Your perfect timing and so why would I trust in myself after all you've brought us through?  Yes Lord, I will trust you." So over the next few days I was really doing great in puttin