Our Gilgal, God's Provision & Our Craziness!

I know this post is long but if you read it, it's a story of God's goodness and provision and worth the read all the way through.  He is good! (The writing in gray are some small but very important details I forgot to add last night).

If you know Neal, you'll hear him say every once and a while, "I'm pulling the crazy card." That's what I love about my husband, he can make light of his PTSD.

Neal's first car had the license plate that read, "JRM 813." So the joke was it meant, 'Jessica Really Makes Haines Absolutely Crazy', each number corresponding to it's place in the alphabet.  Well I think it's official.....this Haines family unit is crazy or seems crazy ;)  And for once I can honestly say I'm fine with how ever we look! (Gal. 1:10). With the help of the Lord I've been able to get a hold of the idol of pleasing people instead of God.

Let me rewind to explain why we are writing this post tonight :)  Things have come full circle for us.We are at our place of Gilgal.  Gilgal can be found in Joshua 4.  Moses led the Israelites out of captivity, Joshua has led them through the Jordan River to Gilgal. The word Gilgal means 'circle', it's the place God brought the Israelites full-circle and broke their old cycle and brought them into the promised land! Here at Gilgal, Joshua commanded that 12 stones be brought out of the middle of the Jordan River to set up at their first camp in the Promised Land.  When their children asked, 'What are those stones for?' the Israelites were to say, 'This is so that all the people of the earth may know that the Lord's hand is mighty and so that you may always fear the Lord your God" Joshua 4:24.  

I once thought that I didn't have a 'good testimony.' Foolish me!  Here you go. Believe it or not, I have foregone a lot of little details to save time ;)

Neal worked as Maryland State Trooper, develops PTSD due to work-related injuries. July 14, 2009 he is pulled from the road, gun and badge, as well as every ounce of self-worth and confidence. It was all left in Barrack G that day.  He was put on 2/3rds pay due to his injury and hands tied behind his back due to all the red tape. To say we took a hit financially wouldn't be accurately describing our trial.  Due to this, we had the decision to foreclose on our home. The place we brought our first-born to.  We quickly learned the confidence of 'having good credit' and 'keeping up with the Jones next door' is such a false security. So there we were, stripped of all the false-confidences we built over the years, financial security, our peace of mind, even a sound mind!  It was such a dark era in our life, no words can describe, but it was such a beautiful time as well! How?  When you're that low you learn of all your idols, false securities and you can only look up. Look up to Him.  You have that hope and patience that Galatians talk about, see below:

'Patience' is the Greek word hupomone which means 'to persevere, remain under...bearing up under....refers to that quality of character which does not allow one to surrender to or succumb under trial.' It's endurance in relation to "things or circumstances."  This patience is inspired by hope in Jesus Christ. This word for hope is elpis which means, 'the desire of some good with expectation of obtaining it." It's a positive outlook toward an expected end, look at Job (the man who lost his children, his wealth, his health, everything). Look at chapter 23 of Job and you can see two means of hope:

1) God is at work     2) Job trusted that God would refine him, transform him

So back to prove we're all crazy ;)

In the middle of all of this God tells us to move to Franklin, TN.  We visited Dec 2010, fell in love with the area, felt God's calling and just a few short weeks later we were in Franklin!  When people asked what brought us here we said, "Well not everyone gets the opportunity to start over at 26 years old and God is calling us here. Don't ask us why or to what He is calling us, we don't know."  The only reason God gave me was, 'You will find Me. Your relationship with Me will go through the roof if you take this step of faith. You will begin your healing process individually and in your marriage."  We moved here January 3, 2011 and have not second guessed our faith in Him to move for a second!  We met a church, Harpeth Community Church (and therefore home group) that followed the Holy Spirit in teaching us His Word, that stretched us spiritually and covered us with love and unimaginable relationships!  Our relationship with Jesus went from a cultural standpoint to a Biblical one.  We soon became home group leaders and could use our testimony up to that point to share God's goodness.

When Neal applied for a Special Disability Retirement (S.D.R. for short) in Sept 2009 I heard his words over the phone, "Who knows. Maybe this S.D. R. will come through and will help me provide for my family in order to do what I was suppose to do all along, be in ministry."  Even in his darkest of times, his little light shone. As a Trooper he was known among his peers as "Reverend."

Fast forward a year and half, March 1 2011, a general retirement is granted. This is a blessing!  We have medical benefits the rest of our lives and  small income from the State on a monthly basis.  God then provides part-time jobs that Neal is listening to God's Word 8 hours a day a few days a week as well as opportunities to share God's goodness and his testimony at a local cigar bar!  :-)  To be honest though, we were very frustrated that a S.D. R. wasn't granted but finally came to the peace that God is in control and we only wanted His best in our lives. We thought a S.D.R. was best for us and what we deserved but we died to our fleshly desire, God was circumcising our hearts and that was all we wanted.  Don't get me wrong, it was painful but beautiful!

A few months back we felt that God was going to take us to the next step in ministry.  We were not looking to leave Harpeth C.C. (our church, our home, our family) but we had the feeling that the next road was away from H.C.C. and with Tracy Cameron at C3 (Central Community Church).  After months of prayer and just seeking His will, after specific dreams God gave me (without my telling Neal), God quickly gave Neal the same dreams :)  We took a leap of faith and sent out a letter to our church family explaining that we don't understand why God is calling us to C3 but we were following His leading.  H.C.C. has meant the world to us! I find it interesting that our very first Sunday what drew us to H.C.C. was the worship, led by Josh Harman, and Tracy Cameron's preaching.  These 2 men are now at our new church, in ministry at C3 :)

So after sending out the letter explaining our departure from H.C.C., the very next morning Neal gets a call from his lawyer.  The assistant attorney general got a hold of our case applying for S.D.R.  ( The State of MD had denied a S.D.R. for years by this point. Their claim was that his PTSD was not job-related.  Huh?!  *Zipper mouth shut* ;)  ) His lawyer said she has never seen anything like this before, the attorney general dismissed the State of MD's case against us and granted the S.D.R.!!!!!! This means double monthly income from retirement and back pay that is owed.  I had family and we had people thinking we were crazy for going after a S.D.R. and thought that Neal did not deserve it.  They thought Neal was foolish for not quitting State Police after he was taken off the road, stupid that we were willing to waiting for a S.D.R. Oh and one more thing to blow your socks off....2 night or so before Neal's lawyer called I had a dream that Neal's case was granted, unexpectedly, out of the blue because we were expecting to have an administrative hearing in MD Sept 4th, 2012.  I did not tell Neal about my dream because I thought it was just my subconscious dreaming up our desire for all of this to be done and over with, in our favor of course.  

Fast-forward to this evening :)  Neal just arrived home from a meeting at C3.  He met with Tracy (now the lead minister), the elders and hiring committee and they gave Neal the position of 'Director of Student Ministries' for C3!!!!  Let me remind you of something........the day Neal applied for S.D.R. back in Sept 2009 he thought it would be granted, eventually, in order allow him to be in ministry :)  As well all know, people in ministry do not make a lot of money ;)  

The final, 'you guys are just crazy'..........we are home-schooling!  It's too much to type up with all the confirmations that this is God's best for our family right now. He has made it so clear.  It's also a beautiful opportunity for me to die to my selfishness and rely on the Holy Spirit to home-school and have a baby!  With my God all things are possible, I know this!

And one final 'full circle' for you!  We lost a child Dec 21, 2011 due to a miscarriage but I felt His peace like never before during this time.  We are expecting baby boy Haines Dec 25th 2012. A year later, possibly a year-to-date later :)  James 1:2

So here we are, at 27 & 28 at what feels like our Gilgal, our Promised Land. At 27 &28!  No words can express how excited I am at our future in ministry at C3 and the rest of our lives.  I'm so thankful for the trials and tribulations that have stripped us of so much worldly desires to shape our hearts and minds to His (don't get me wrong, God has a lifetime of sanctifying us because we do live on this side of heaven).  God's timing and provision will blow your mind if you let Him!  And let me claim here and now, that even if the S.D.R. didn't come through, even if we were not expecting a year after a miscarriage, even if Neal didn't have this position at C3 God would still be good and worthy of praise!

Jer. 29:11