Sweet Tea, Advocacy and Me

I've got to hide my emotions that heart doesn't ache when I look into your eyes and do not see Neal.  I'll put on that positive, encouraging, strong face when you're around because I want to be those things for you but when you're not around, I've got to process. Process what the Holy Spirit is telling me about your heart and mind. Process what you need, don't need. Process what it is that you need me to do for you ie phone calls to insurance, research on a new form of therapy, allow you time for your hobby or just a hug.  I have to just to sit here at the computer and write out everything I need to process, it's my form of therapy.  Writing it all out gives me a small hope that someone out there totally gets what's going on and then it all won't isolate us so much any more due to that one or two people who truly know what's going on. When I hear your car pull in the driveway, it's time for me to hurry and gather myself up, be strong ...

There I was sitting on that high pedal stool for so many years. To know you're the one someone is continuing to live for or that you're pretty much their only source of happiness or that you were their 'only sunshine', that's more then an honor but it's also a heavy burden. I was the center of some people's world, one of which fought cancer numerous times, not specifically just for me, but I was a huge part of it.  I was placed up high on that pedal stool.  It sounds like a wonderful place to be and I guess at the surface it is then you dig deeper. To know you're loved to that extent is a blessing but to know you have so much power or influence isn't so great.  So when things go south in a relationship, when I don't act the way I am expected to act or the outcome wasn't as that person desired, their world was shattered because I feel off that pedal stool. There isn't a sense of guilt though because I know it was their doing, their...