"Be Still" (Something I'm not comfortable doing)
The Lord is moving in our lives, circumcising our desires & selfishness to line up with His. He has renewed the passion in Neal's heart to be a pastor, to teach, to be in ministry. He has placed a new desire for church planting and placed within both of our hearts a hungering for more of the Lord, more of His truth, to reflect more of Him, to know more of Him and to fulfill the Great Commission.
3 weeks ago Neal felt the need to go on a prayer walk with God.
1 1/2 hours later he came back and told me that the Lord told him, "Be Still." We didn't know what that meant but knew this was a clear message.
A few days later Neal came across Mark Driscoll's internship and pastoral residency program details and looked at me and said, "Do you want to move to Seattle, WA?" My first thought was, 'no way, no way, no way! I LOVE TN. I love my church, my friends, my family, the weather, everything about TN so why would I want to move to a rainy/cold and miserable place?' In my mind WA is one of the least places I'd ever want to live. I looked at the details of this opportunity and this is what it said:
'A Mars Hill Internship is a hands-on, roll-up-your-sleeves ministry opportunity where you will be trained and discipled by experienced ministry leaders. This is more than just a year of training—it’s an invitation to grow in your knowledge of God, increase your dependence on the Holy Spirit, and further the mission of Jesus.'
Then my reaction was that maybe the Lord will lead us there, to prepare us for ministry or something of the sort. I soon died to my lack of desire to live there and surrendered it to God. The next few days we were praying and submitting to His will.
During my time of prayer once again our move to TN was confirmed to me. It was confirmed that it was God's will because if I didn't take that leap of faith to move to TN, a foreign land (not internationally but in the sense of unknown-refer to Abraham's story in Genesis 12) then I would have never gained immense trust in Him. I would have never seen His faithfulness. I would have never experienced that His timing truly is perfect. I would have missed out spiritually on so much that He wanted to bless us with. For once in my life I was able to hear God' voice saying, 'Move to TN. Trust me. If you take this leap of faith to step out of the boat you'll find me even more. You'll go to a new level with Me spiritually and your relationship with Neal will heal and grown immensely.' For once in my life I was willing to just follow Him without letting outside influences hold me back. So in relation with WA, I already experienced trusting Him with my life, my future, my security,etc by releasing control of my life and placing the control in Him by moving to TN so maybe this internship was yet another moment to trust in Him. If I didn't have the experience of moving to TN then there would have been no way I'd be willing to even consider following God to WA!
After a few days of praying separately we came together and shared our convictions on the matter. It was evident that the Lord said to be still (He must of known we would have come across this what looked like to be amazing opportunity for us to grow spiritually). We both desired that opportunity for the internships but was totally willing to lay our desire at His feet. It was confirmed in our hearts and by Tracy Cameron at H.C.C. by the remark, "Yea. When God clearly calls me to be still I go and move across the country.' Loved that remark! :p So we were staying in TN, I was happy because I truly love middle TN. I had peace knowing that we were in God's will and knowing that He had other plans for us.
The following week Bobby Harrington (our lead pastor at H.C.C.) started his first ordination process. Back up a week....Neal said that before we made any decisions about WA that he felt the need to wait and see what the ordination process looked like here with Bobby. Need I say more? What we were looking for in WA was being offered to Neal right where we were! Not going to lie, I made a huge sign of relief (sorry WA) LOL
Right now we are being molded and a circumcision of our hearts to the things of God, not of our own is occurring. After sharing this story with my friend Ryan Rogers he reminded me that we are already shepherding. We are being trusted to disciple in our own church through our home group, that our home group is our own church. This is true! I often need help with perspective. Its a curse of mine to look ahead and not appreciate the blessings that are around me currently.
So I'm happy to say we are following His will by being still as He told us. I'm so relieved we are still in TN but at the same time I know that I'm willing to die to my desires to follow Him at any time. My heart and soul is crying out for more ministry but He is testing me out to see how I appreciate and focus in on what He has given me now, my sister and home group girl to pour into, all of which I love very much!
While being happy we are in His will, my flesh is not comfortable with being still. My flesh isn't comfortable with the waiting process. It seems since I was a young teenager that God has chosen me to minister in some capacity. I had been waiting for 7 years for the Lord's will to move within Neal (in relation to redeeming his heart and mind from PTSD and redeeming our relationship). I'm not even sure what we are waiting for other than we feel God is preparing our hearts and minds for something.
I/we want to do so much for the Lord. I want to bring Him glory. We are excited to see the Lord's future plans for us but obviously there is more to prune in us so I'm picking up my cross, submitting to Your will Lord and waiting (waiting patiently and trying to wait contently) for Your timing. Amen.
3 weeks ago Neal felt the need to go on a prayer walk with God.
1 1/2 hours later he came back and told me that the Lord told him, "Be Still." We didn't know what that meant but knew this was a clear message.
A few days later Neal came across Mark Driscoll's internship and pastoral residency program details and looked at me and said, "Do you want to move to Seattle, WA?" My first thought was, 'no way, no way, no way! I LOVE TN. I love my church, my friends, my family, the weather, everything about TN so why would I want to move to a rainy/cold and miserable place?' In my mind WA is one of the least places I'd ever want to live. I looked at the details of this opportunity and this is what it said:
'A Mars Hill Internship is a hands-on, roll-up-your-sleeves ministry opportunity where you will be trained and discipled by experienced ministry leaders. This is more than just a year of training—it’s an invitation to grow in your knowledge of God, increase your dependence on the Holy Spirit, and further the mission of Jesus.'
Then my reaction was that maybe the Lord will lead us there, to prepare us for ministry or something of the sort. I soon died to my lack of desire to live there and surrendered it to God. The next few days we were praying and submitting to His will.
During my time of prayer once again our move to TN was confirmed to me. It was confirmed that it was God's will because if I didn't take that leap of faith to move to TN, a foreign land (not internationally but in the sense of unknown-refer to Abraham's story in Genesis 12) then I would have never gained immense trust in Him. I would have never seen His faithfulness. I would have never experienced that His timing truly is perfect. I would have missed out spiritually on so much that He wanted to bless us with. For once in my life I was able to hear God' voice saying, 'Move to TN. Trust me. If you take this leap of faith to step out of the boat you'll find me even more. You'll go to a new level with Me spiritually and your relationship with Neal will heal and grown immensely.' For once in my life I was willing to just follow Him without letting outside influences hold me back. So in relation with WA, I already experienced trusting Him with my life, my future, my security,etc by releasing control of my life and placing the control in Him by moving to TN so maybe this internship was yet another moment to trust in Him. If I didn't have the experience of moving to TN then there would have been no way I'd be willing to even consider following God to WA!
After a few days of praying separately we came together and shared our convictions on the matter. It was evident that the Lord said to be still (He must of known we would have come across this what looked like to be amazing opportunity for us to grow spiritually). We both desired that opportunity for the internships but was totally willing to lay our desire at His feet. It was confirmed in our hearts and by Tracy Cameron at H.C.C. by the remark, "Yea. When God clearly calls me to be still I go and move across the country.' Loved that remark! :p So we were staying in TN, I was happy because I truly love middle TN. I had peace knowing that we were in God's will and knowing that He had other plans for us.
The following week Bobby Harrington (our lead pastor at H.C.C.) started his first ordination process. Back up a week....Neal said that before we made any decisions about WA that he felt the need to wait and see what the ordination process looked like here with Bobby. Need I say more? What we were looking for in WA was being offered to Neal right where we were! Not going to lie, I made a huge sign of relief (sorry WA) LOL
Right now we are being molded and a circumcision of our hearts to the things of God, not of our own is occurring. After sharing this story with my friend Ryan Rogers he reminded me that we are already shepherding. We are being trusted to disciple in our own church through our home group, that our home group is our own church. This is true! I often need help with perspective. Its a curse of mine to look ahead and not appreciate the blessings that are around me currently.
So I'm happy to say we are following His will by being still as He told us. I'm so relieved we are still in TN but at the same time I know that I'm willing to die to my desires to follow Him at any time. My heart and soul is crying out for more ministry but He is testing me out to see how I appreciate and focus in on what He has given me now, my sister and home group girl to pour into, all of which I love very much!
While being happy we are in His will, my flesh is not comfortable with being still. My flesh isn't comfortable with the waiting process. It seems since I was a young teenager that God has chosen me to minister in some capacity. I had been waiting for 7 years for the Lord's will to move within Neal (in relation to redeeming his heart and mind from PTSD and redeeming our relationship). I'm not even sure what we are waiting for other than we feel God is preparing our hearts and minds for something.
I/we want to do so much for the Lord. I want to bring Him glory. We are excited to see the Lord's future plans for us but obviously there is more to prune in us so I'm picking up my cross, submitting to Your will Lord and waiting (waiting patiently and trying to wait contently) for Your timing. Amen.
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