God's Ability To Mend & Defend

'For You have made me rejoice, Lord, by what You have done; I will shout for joy because of the works of Your hands, How magnificent are Your works, Lord, how profound Your thoughts!' Psalm 92:4-5

Sept 4, 2012.  

Today was suppose to be a day of significance wrapped up in anxiety and distress. It was a day the enemy worked so hard to pour salt into our wounds and to get us to just give up.  Sept 4, 2012 was suppose to be our appeal date in the State of Maryland.  The state's case was that my husband's Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder was not job-related as a Maryland State Trooper.  Today was our fight against the system, it was our opportunity to bring our witnesses, put a face to our name as well as our case.  It was beyond reasoning us (as well as everyone else who knew our story) that they could make such a claim and that they were able to stretch it out over three very painful years.  Pain, frustration, anger, depression, oppression, financial strain, living in a failed marriage, weariness and confusion had filled our years and worse, hearts.  With what little strength we had, we would believe and trust the promises of Isaiah 61.  This chapter offered us phrases that Jesus would:

-heal the brokenhearted

-proclaim liberty to the captives

-freedom to the prisoners

-proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

-God's vengeance

-comfort to all who mourn

-provide for those who mourn

-award a crown of beauty instead of ashes

-give festive oil instead of mourning

-convey splendid clothes instead of despair

-They will be called righteous trees, planted by the Lord to glorify Him. 

I truly believe these seven painful years were a product of two things.  One, sinful and poor choices on our own behalf.  Not making Him center of our life in numerous areas and not being obsessed with Jesus but with what the world had to offer. We were the perfect example of a cultural Christian.  Two, I believe PTSD was allowed by our loving Heavenly Father to sift us, individually, as a married couple and as a family unit.  

In Luke 22, Jesus reveals to Peter that the enemy approached Him.  The enemy desired permission to sift Peter.  Was this because Jesus didn't care if Peter was sifted or tried?  No, the opposite in fact.  If our Savior knows our every thought, our motives, when we sit and lay down, our number of days on this earth and the number of hairs on our head, I believe He loves us enough to discipline us-to refine us.  Proverbs 3:12 says so.  

I look back at my journal entries from eight to ten years ago and I just knew that some difficult times were on the road in front of me so the Lord put a burning desire in my heart. If I were to go through these fires then I wanted to be burnt, to be refined for His glory.  I wanted nothing more then for our testimony to bring Him glory.  So I buckled up and trusted God that He was faithful, just and worthy of praise, no matter what, even when I didn't feel it.  I had faith I would survive and come out stronger, only by His power.  There were more days then I'd like to admit that the oppression just overwhelmed me and that I just couldn't cope though never did I doubt that He was good and that He was going to use us and those trials.  Having the hope and belief that He was refining us to His good as well as ours and make an amazing testimony out of it all was indeed the only hope that I could see.  My center of truth wasn't that one day my marriage would be healed, that one day I would be the woman, wife and mother God created me to be, that one day we would actually be released from PTSD and financial strain, it was Jehovah-Rapha and Jehovah-Jireh (healer and provider).  

Sept 4, 2012.  Today is 'the day.'  We are not in Maryland, we are home in middle-TN.  We are not defending our case in an appeal today, before a board.  After three years of fighting the system the Lord sifted us, refined us.   The months leading up to our appeal date we were more focused on His perfect will for our lives and drawing near to Him instead of worrying about defending ourselves in that appeal.  We came to the peaceful conclusion that God would defend us in this case for a special disability retirement due to job-related PTSD.  If the case wasn't won then it must have been in our best interest and we would just trust His works and know that sometimes we will not understand the Lord's ways on this side of heaven, that He was still good. 

A few weeks ago I had a dream the state of Maryland's case against us was simply dismissed!  I didn't tell Neal, I figured it was just my subconscious working through. Of course I would dream that!  My flesh desired that.  Then out of the blue, a few days later Neal gets the phone call from our lawyer that our case for a special disability was granted, that the state's case was dismissed by the assistant attorney general himself!!!! 

So that is why we are home today and not fighting our appeal... because God provided.  God heals.  God defends. God mends, God restores. 

 'I will make up to you the years that the locust has eaten…”  Joel 2:25

I have entered this post in a contest that Angie Smith's publisher is granting.  In celebration of Angie Smith's new book Mended,  today was the perfect day to share an incredibly small part of my husband and I's testimony.  Her newest book Mended can be purchased here or here.