Sweet Tea, Advocacy and Me

God's been asking me: "Where is your identity? What's your motive of  heart?" Tough questions. Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!  Psalm 139:23

It was time to move forward in our family. It was time to give Emery Grace a sibling, after all, she has been begging for months. Finally we are pregnant.  We find out the week before Christmas.  There is a lot of death happening around us. A lot of police officers were killed in December and a dear friend went to be with Jesus due to battling with cancer for years.  With all that death I had a feeling God was preparing me for something but I didn't want to really think about it. Then I was cooking and I clearly heard Him whisper to me, "Jessica, are you going to trust me with this baby?" My reply was, "Yes Lord. I will.  It will be hard but I will. Instead of being anxious like I was while being pregnant with Emery I will trust you.  I trusted you to make this new life in Your perfect timing and so why would I trust in myself after all you've brought us through?  Yes Lord, I will trust you." So over the next few days I was really doing great in putti...

2/6/2006 Dear God, We need you. So often have I prayed that Neal would turn to you once again. So often I have prayed with all my heart for this, I've been praying this for a while now.  We talked about a few things tonight that needed to be out in the open but one conversation isn't enough. It seems that Neal has completely shut down, turned off his heart since we've got married. This hurts me so much.  It breaks my heart knowing that Neal doesn't have a desire for you Lord or anything else any more.   God, what happened to him? Is it something I did? Please reveal things to me! ..... Please God, correct my husband's heart.  Help him find himself in you God, not in the MDSP. ..... You spoke through Mr.John on Sunday night. Does this mean that this time is going to be different?  Oh God please! Please!   You revealed to Mr. John tonight that You were going to use us and that we won't have to wait very long because we are mature for our...

'You trusted Me when it came to moving down to TN and knowing I'd do great things through that move.  You trusted Me when things got rough with Neal's PTSD and when the storms overwhelmed you.  What happened?  You stopped trusting Me all of the sudden.  You got through half of this test called trust.  What are you going to do for the second half?  Once you got down to your new home I provided you, you stopped trusting Me in the little things of this life.  You let yourself be bogged down by your lack of trust in Me, your Savior! You started trusting in people and the situations you thought they had power over.  You trusted employers for a job, people to fulfill the desires of your heart and what you'd like to see happen in your life. You've trusted in people's ability (or so you thought, people's power/control) to solve conflict, trust in a board of trustees and your lawyer more than me,  you've trusted still too much in yourself. ...

"Jess, Consider these things in my Word that I've put in your way right now....  Am I enough for you?"  -God Psalm 37:3-7 3   Trust in the LORD and do good ;    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4   Take delight in the LORD,    and he will give you the desires of your heart.   5  Commit your way to the LORD;    trust in him and he will do this: 6   He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,    your vindication like the noonday sun.   7   Be still before the LORD    and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways,    when they carry out their wicked schemes. To me God just wants me to keep on doing good, trusting Him when I don't understand, when the pain/fears seem to outweigh the good that can be measured in this life. Right now I see God has brought us through stuff by being by our ...

We can read all about the psychological aspects of PTSD but where can we find an account of the emotional aspects for the carer or supporter of a PTSD sufferer?  I've attempted to compile a short explanation below.  I'm sure I could list numerous other emotional responses but there are the normative.   Let me just say, I realize below could sound deep or dark but my God IS bigger then PTSD and all things will work out for the good of those who love the Lord. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.  Here we go... If I allowed myself, every time I think of what my husband experiences with PTSD  I could feel immense sorrow and heartache due to the immeasurable affliction my loved one experiences.  Fear and anxiety are huge contributors when watching him  live with PTSD . Fear for his safety, fear of the unknown.  When he is having a horrible episode of flash backs, is he in his right mind?  Did you know that police officers...

It's tough being married to a cop!  Le'ts just be honest here.  Ladies, I need your open heart and opinion please.   What is your #1 challenge as a L.E.O.'s (law enforcement officer) wife?   I'd like to focus on just you, not your family.  I'll give you another opportunity to share you hearts as to how it relates to the whole family but as a wife, what you're biggest challenge?  Thanks so much!   The time you take to answer this question for me will help a lot of other wives our there in America!  Your opinion really matters to me and my husband.  We are currently organizing a non-pro organization to raise awareness for Law Enforcement PTSD.  My husband is 26 and retired due to PTSD and we have learned, unfortunately the hard way, that police officers suffer in silence when it comes to the horrific condition.  We are dedicating our lives to speaking out!  Again, thank you for your tim...