Shut Down-Feb. 2, 2006

2/6/2006

Dear God,

We need you. So often have I prayed that Neal would turn to you once again. So often I have prayed with all my heart for this, I've been praying this for a while now.  We talked about a few things tonight that needed to be out in the open but one conversation isn't enough.

It seems that Neal has completely shut down, turned off his heart since we've got married. This hurts me so much.  It breaks my heart knowing that Neal doesn't have a desire for you Lord or anything else any more.  
God, what happened to him? Is it something I did? Please reveal things to me!
.....
Please God, correct my husband's heart.  Help him find himself in you God, not in the MDSP.
.....
You spoke through Mr.John on Sunday night. Does this mean that this time is going to be different?  Oh God please! Please!  You revealed to Mr. John tonight that You were going to use us and that we won't have to wait very long because we are mature for our age.  Oh Lord....we need work, individually and together.
....
I don't want to wait for the life, plans and marriage you have for me and Neal.  I want an abundant life now!  My prayer is that his lack of communing with You doesn't effect me spiritually.  Bless my husband. Bless him even though he's hurt me (emotionally), help me to forgive him Lord!
....
Come...do your work! I'm ready, thank you!

5 years later.......
I can see that the Lord gave Mr. John truth, that the Lord was going to use us.  He also said that it wouldn't be long until He started using us.  Looking back I see what this means.  What this word from Mr. John meant that our testimony/journey (how God would use us) had already begun.  Our story was in the process of forming for it to be used later.  It's now 5 years later that it's actually beginning to reach out to others.  So much as been revealed, renewed, changed in us that we had to first realize ourselves.  Lord, Your ways are so much higher then ours, You're truly faithful!

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