Sweet Tea, Advocacy and Me

There you are. Standing or spinning, maybe even crawling, in a wilderness you never expected to be in. Where your soul once felt overflowing it now feels dry.  Your environment once was lush with milk and honey spiritually speaking, full of people who knew you, loved you and you lived daily and deeply with in the 'fellowship of believers' (Acts 2). The picture of your wilderness doesn't look so bad on the outside but it's not the environment you thrive in and the worst part, you can't figure out exactly what's off or lacking in order to 'fix it.' I believe this is the part of the story where God says, 'Exactly honey!'  :-) You've just had enough!  So you pray the Lord changed His mind and leads you elsewhere because we run from difficulty but in the difficulty is where you find your lifeline, manna. We think that if the Lord led us to difficulty, or a wilderness, that He is cruel or unloving, but it's quite the opposite.  The wilderne...

'Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, But much revenue  comes  by the strength of the ox.' -Proverbs 14:4 We like things pretty, presentable, neat, organized. We like to present ourselves as 'having it all together.' We do not like hard work or to get dirt under our nails though it's perfectly acceptable in our society to work hard to advance ourselves, to build wealth but we flee when we sense the Holy Spirit is guiding us to look inward and work with our very own mess.  Who exactly jumps for joy when He whispers to our hearts that it's time to look inside to start dealing with our issues and sins that keep us from living the abundant life Christ died for us to have (John 10:10)?   Tracy Cameron, our minister, is guiding us through a sermon series titled, 'Renew Your Mind.'  It's about living as a new creation in Christ, recognizing lies the enemy convinces us to believe and saying "no more!"  I've been set free from some...

Almost three years ago the TV show Army Wives started my healing process of life effected by PTSD.  While the characters are fictional, it is such a sense of relief to be able to relate to lives being effected by PTSD on the show.  It plays tricks on your mind when there is no real person who can truly understand what you're dealing with when your husband develops PTSD.  It's not just a disease that surfaces one day, is treated and then normal life presumes. You have to learn to live with PTSD and the new person it's created.  PTSD is not the person, just as a cancer patient is not cancer. When cancer enters your life it changes the rest of your life, as does PTSD.  You have to grieve the person before PTSD. You learn to cope with flashbacks, panic attacks, depression, lack of support from people you expected devotion from, battles and stabs in the back from the system that was once for your hero.  I watched a recent episode of A...

'and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,     to be self-controlled,  pure,  working at home, kind, and  submissive to their own husbands,  that the word of God may not be reviled.'-Titus 2:4-5 What God calls us to do is never an easy path.  Many people will say the above Biblical reference 'isn't relative to today's society.'  I strongly disagree. That's like saying God's original and holy intention of marriage between a man and woman has now somehow changed because our society and culture have changed.  Since when does God's Word change and/or adapt?  Never.  Back to the part about God's calling is never the easy path. Yea, that's definitely been the case for me but I had a nice reassurance last night at Bible study I'm certainly not alone.   I'm not alone when my selfishness rears its ugly head and I can't help but continue to think that man, would it be nice to have a nanny or to ...

'His call, when obeyed, changes everything.' This daily article from Crosswalk.com talks about your life taking a dramatic turn when we trust Him and follow Him.   God's guidance to Tennessee is prime example for Neal and I that when He calls and we obey and follow Him, our lives swiftly, abundantly and eternally change.  How did our lives change? you ask and is this 'change' even favorable? Yes but it did come with a cost. When God made it clear that Franklin TN was the next phase in our life and that we were to leave everything, everyone we knew our whole lives to a foreign land called Franklin, for once I was completely living in His peace. He whispered to me that if I would  trust in Him, follow Him out of completely blind faith that this move would give life to my heart and would make an eternal impact. For confirmations, He gave us the story of Abraham's calling from his father's land to a foreign land where God would bless him. He also used Pro...

Here is our  story that God has created for us. It's detailed but read all the way through if you want to know more about us, where we came from and the trials we've come through by on His grace.  I still can't believe it's our story, I wouldn't change a thing! All of this, all under the age of  30!  What else could He have in store?! He was 15 as was I.  I went to church with his best friend (Jeremy Willet) and Jer's girl friend (Kat) who is now my kindred spirit in life.  Neal was playing in a Christian band with Jer and they were playing a show one summer afternoon.  Neal was playing drums and it was like the sky parted and God pointed Neal out to me. He was cute and  a musician!  Oh my.  I had just made a commitment to God to focus on Him instead of a boyfriend until He showed me the 'right one.'  So after the sky parting and a heavenly light shining down I left it at that, trusting God with my heart. Our...

I just watched a video of a mother who spoke about 'ordinary days.'  You know, those days that seems to last forever because the baby woke up too many times last night, it's raining yet again and you don't want to  leave the house, the five year old is way too hyper for my own lack of energy and motivation, you feel like you're going to break down in tears from the dishes, laundry, clutter and dirty floors screaming at you.  You know, those days? In fact it feels so rare to not  have an 'ordinary day.'  Maybe that's why I like the slightest change in life.  Heck, even switching around the furniture in the living-room excites me. But life is in deed filled with 'ordinary days' and all of the sudden my 'baby' isn't an infant any more and my daughter is turning into a little lady.  That newborn cry is gone and now the five-year-old likes to have alone time and asking questions like, 'How are girls and boys different?'  Why is...

My heart has ached for a while a place to call home but it's been really difficult lately. A place where my children grow up, make memories, play in our backyard. A place we call home where we can mark yearly our children's grown on the door frame to look back to 30 years later.   I know where ever we live we can make these memories but my heart's desire is for a permanent place, I so tired of moving.  I've moved at least 10 times that I can recall. Yesterday's Jesus Calling devotional read, "This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control.'  I am indeed in need of letting go of lost loved ones and relationships, of possessions (the Holy Spirit revealed I'm making a place of our own an idol-something I'm focusing on way too much).  That last part, that I need to let go of control, is something I'm continually learning and have come a long way on.  It's so easy to open up or make a door o...

Luke 15:8-10 is the parable of the lost coin. Verse 9 reads:   'And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors , saying,  'Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.' From Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself study I've learned in this passage the actual Greek term is tas philas which means 'female friends.'  One of the fruits of the Spirit is love.  Love has many forms from selfish love (eros) to philos love which is defined as 'the love one has toward a friend or companion' to agape love. I find the verbiage in verse 9 very close to my heart because God has clearly placed two ladies in my life who are in fact neighbors.  How we met, our stories of where we came from and how our personalities all blend, support and help stretch our own faith and view points is a gift. I was told by one of these beautiful ladies that I'm 'edgy.'  At first I feared this was a rough corner of my persona...

'Mommy, I had a dream. I was holding my Bible and telling people about God. My Bible, me and other people who had Jesus in their heart were colorful. The people who said, 'No! I dont want God in my heart' were grey, not colorful.' Doesn't this ring true if you think about it? Looks like our prayer of Emery having an understanding of God beyond her years is starting to be answered. Another little story. Emery insisted that Neal and I were children. I explained that once you're 18 you're an adult but she kept pressing that matter. She won our 'disagreement' with the statement, 'No, Mommy. If you have Jesus in your heart you are a child of God!' 

If you get disgusted easily about bodily functions then please don't proceed reading this post  ;)  I can assure you though that it's two little but cool stories of how revealed Himself to me in ways that are not big or conventional.  It's about sickness (and it's repercussions and my son's bowel movements). For you brave ones ready to read here we go.... I couldn't decide if I wanted to make this post public or not. After all, it's about my children's poop LOL  But, this blog is to journal how God proves Himself to me , my faith journey, and after talking to two friends about whether or not to blog it they said I should so here I am. Recently Emery, my five-year-old, got the stomach bug and ended up with diarrhea which ended up in a painfully sore bottom :(  What's this have to do with God?  Neal and I have been talking to her day in and day out about how God loves for us to talk with Him, that we are His children, that He cares abo...

The Lord blessed me today. Let me rephrase that, He blesses me more then I deserve but today He sent a blessing that normally I would have overlooked. He sent me a reassurance, when one was much needed. Why did He do this? Because I'm loved by my Abba Father and He cares for me. Last night I had that new mom breakdown. That moment in time when you're baby won't stop fussing, screaming, squirming, won't start sleeping and therefore you just collapse in a chair and cry because you imagined the second child would be easier, you imagined you would have this newborn thing down the second time around.  The exhaustion has finally set in and I was overwhelmed. It's that moment you know you love your child and are beyond thankful to the Lord for this precious gift but it doesn't mean it's not a tough season-a season that only lasts a few months but at the time seems like forever. And then you get that mommy guilt for even feeling that way.  All you mamas know what...

I just experienced a moment that can not repeat itself. A moment where nothing else can compare or come close. When discussing things we should praise God and thank Him for Emery's response was: -For giving me the Mommy & Daddy He gave me -For giving us the things we need to live (she stressed live vs want) -The most important one Mommy, for Jesus being in my heart This is exactly what I've been praying for her to experience from the moment I knew God formed her in my womb. That she would know God, believe in Him and just have faith both in her mind and heart, starting at a young age.

It has officially hit me, cabin fever and the fear of not being anything else other than a exhausted milking-machine  ;-)   All I'm feeling is normal of course, such as: Why won't my sick newborn sleep!?! Is he still breathing? What habits am I forming with him now to just get some sleep that I'm going to have to battle later? You've got to be kidding me, it's time to nurse again? Oh my goodness, is that what I look like? *staring in the mirror* Then there are the concerns my type A personality keeps drilling over: My floors, they need to be cleaned. When was the last time they were steam cleaned? What can I give away to make this apartment seem bigger for six more months? Geez, I thought I had laundry before a newborn! Where is my magic fairy godmother that specializes in house cleaning/organization for a neat-freak, germaphobe like me? So many things for me to easily stress about, unfortunately it comes naturally for me but I've go...