Sweet Tea, Advocacy and Me

Sometimes it's just easier to focus on the negative than the positive but if I'm honest, the first half of 2018 was good but I feel the need to point out the good that God DID do. We found the kids a private Christian school to put them in and it's been a God-send to all of us. Would I love to not have to pay for school, of course, but I just can't bring myself to send my children to public school, especially in the N.E. In fact, for me personally, the school is the only reason I'm still living up here.  The second good thing that happened in the first half of the year is that we moved into our new home - back up North - January 3, 2018, which is exactly the date we moved down to TN, 7 years previously ;) Kinda cool how that worked out.  It seemed God's hand was in every detail of selling our dream home in TN and moving us up here.  The first half of the year brought redemption.  That's the word the Lord laid on my heart for this move back up North.  H

How should someone process the blinders that were ripped off their eyes exposing the truth that's complex and scary? It's like someone snuck up behind, ripped off the eye mask on the brightest day, ever.  Up until this time, the blinders have been on but every once and a while someone would lift the flap just enough to see the light of the sun but only for a second or it would hurt the eyes. It's like when you become accustomed to the dark and you can only stand so much light before your eyes start hurting. The mask has been ripped off of my mind and my heart.  The light is now in all it's glory and beauty which truth, which is always beautiful, but it still hurts my eyes because of the shock between darkness to light.  Don't get me wrong, the truth is always better than sitting in darkness, lack of truth. But exactly how do you process the knowledge that the seed you came from is text-book narcissistic? How can one deal with the painful knowledge that their o

 'The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?' -Jer. 17:9 My heart tells me that I'm alone and that no one in my life could possibly understand.  It reminds me that the past relives itself and leads me to believe that turmoil is my destiny.  My heart leads me to build walls, to not let anyone in.  It keeps me looking back, comparing what I did have within my grasp at once but can't seem to find again.  My heart is like a wild animal, caged or a reed being blown violently in a hurricane.  BUT Your Word says that I can not live by my heart or emotions. Oh, how I have failed you at this my Father but I know you'll cover it in Your Grace.   Help me to replace the loneliness with your constant, the anger and sin with your good and the fearfulness with your Sovereignty.   It's the belief in the truth that you'll never forsake me that has got me through before.  You're the only true good, help

PTSD causes isolation of the sufferer but it also puts the carer (AKA support partner, 'battle buddy' or in my case the wife) in a whirlwind of isolation as well. Post-traumatic stress disorder lurks around every corner of life.  Just when the sufferer thinks they've made great strides in conquering triggers and gained momentous coping skills, IT sneaks around the corner just like a thief in the night. IT holds your life hostage. IT steals so much from the sufferer and the family that's involved.  Just when your guard is down, IT takes you by surprise and throws your world upside down-again with no idea how long it will last this time.   I can't imagine how my husband feels in relation to how PTSD isolates.  We have only come across one person who has PTSD and it's not a personal relationship so there is no mutual support.  Post-traumatic stress disorder isn't a common ground, especially since only 5% of men develop it.  So that makes me want to scre

" Radical acceptance is about accepting of life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change. Radical Acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is." I've been working on this concept for a while know, turns out I'm really hard-headed.  I honestly don't see how people can accomplish this concept without a Higher Power.  My Higher Power is the God of the Bible and His son Jesus Christ. Knowing that God knows the number of hairs on my hard-head, that He knows my numbered days and has them all planned out for me, to give me a "hope and a future", these promises give me much peace.   How can I not trust Him?  He has done miracles in our lives. He's lead us from our home state into a community and church that was saturated of Him, His Word and discipleship.  He's fought for us in our case against a state's retirement board for a medical disability. He's given us numerous brothers and sist

Turns out talking about someone else's mental illness is easier than sharing your own :-p  I've shared the journey of my husband's PTSD and it's about time I share my experience with mental illness in detail to show that I am stigma-free        #IAmStigmaFree For almost 9 years now I've been told over and over again that my depression was postpartum depression (PPD).  I have an almost 9-year-old, a 3-year-old and an almost 2-year-old.   I received this diagnosis from 3 OBGYNs and 1 primary care doctor. I was switched from one antidepressant to another because over a few months the medication would stop helping and I would get a little more depressed than when I first started the medication. Soon it wasn't just my depression, severe anxiety came to tag along in my everyday life. I actually remember the moment when my OCD, and therefore anxiety, kicked in.  It was like a light just clicked on. It was after my second child was born. He had a slight fev