Hurry

I've got to hide my emotions that heart doesn't ache when I look into your eyes and do not see Neal. 
I'll put on that positive, encouraging, strong face when you're around because I want to be those things for you but when you're not around, I've got to process. Process what the Holy Spirit is telling me about your heart and mind. Process what you need, don't need. Process what it is that you need me to do for you ie phone calls to insurance, research on a new form of therapy, allow you time for your hobby or just a hug.  I have to just to sit here at the computer and write out everything I need to process, it's my form of therapy.  Writing it all out gives me a small hope that someone out there totally gets what's going on and then it all won't isolate us so much any more due to that one or two people who truly know what's going on.
When I hear your car pull in the driveway, it's time for me to hurry and gather myself up, be strong again and keep on chugging, for you, for me, for the kids.  Keep chugging along toward our brighter future where PTSD doesn't control your every thought, where it doesn't steal the true you away from me. That day is coming babe and if you can't believe it right now, I will for you.  

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