'Helping' or Hurting? Compassion or Condemnation?

This might sound stupid to say but we come across all kinds of people every day. The ones who seem to have it all together. The ones who have endless energy, drive, attention, hope, etc And on the flip-side, we come across those whom we would describe as cold-hearted, depressed, anxious, angry, overwhelmed, etc

What are we offering those people who are struggling in our exchanges with them?

Help or hurt? Compassion or condemnation?

Condemnation: censure, reprimand, disapproval, judgment, acusation 

Compassion: empathy, sympathy, tenderheartedness, mercy, consideration

When we interact with someone, are we listening to what they're saying? I mean, really saying without words? Are we watching their body language? Are we looking them in the eyes, willing to look past their outer shell? Are we trying to see the condition of their heart and look past the mask? Are we looking for ways we can support them, show them true love, let them know they're worth love, attention, care?  Or, we are just there to listen to teach them a lesson?  To remind them of what they should be doing in their current situation? It looks like this...

"You should... " "You just need to..." and then continue to offer ideas, advice, offer a list of all the positive things in life, etc When we do this, we're not actually helping, we're hurting.

We're actually making the ones who are struggling feel condemnation.  In fact, we're turning the hurting people inward even farther because what they hear is, "You're failing at (fill in the blank)."

We're reminding them of their incompetencies.

We're reminding them of how they can improve instead of seeing what they're doing right and encouraging them to keep going.

Instead, we place a little more weight on their hearts and minds.

At times, maybe most of the time, it's easier to offer condemnation (though that's not our intent) instead of compassion.  Compassion means, stopping, filtering our thoughts and emotions and I dare say, expectations we're placing on them, through Christ's heart instead of ours.  It's listening.  It's stopping the, "You should...", "You need to...", "Stop doing...." and ask, 

"How are you? Really? Truthfully? How can I help you? How can I let you know you're loved and worth time, effort, friendship, to be served?"  They need us to acknowledge what's going on in the situation that's overwhelming them.  They need us to point out all of the things we actually did right, the efforts we made, etc They don't need to be made to feel like we could have handled the whole situation so much better.  They just need compassion, to be listened to. To be lavished in Christ's love instead of being spoken down upon. 

And what if you're at a place in your life that you can't offer true encouragement, hope, unconditional love? Then just keep quiet, please.  Don't remind them of what they're not doing right because chances are, the guilt of that is probably already very heavy and what you're offering might be more hurt instead of true help. 

Does this mean that there should never be a time for guidance, advice, even reprimand? Of course not! Iron sharpens iron, we need each other. I'm only saying, we need to be building unconditional love, trust, true compassion, a true understanding of what's really going on before we do what we do, offer advice, correct, teach, etc