Sweet Tea, Advocacy and Me

Gardening It’s cold and bitter outside but I’m dong some major gardening, though not in God’s physical earth, in my soul, heart and mind. Life’s certainly been tough the past 7 years, hardest the past 2 but God will be brought glory through it all and only good will come of it!  I’m a determined person, no talking me out of it.  Satan has tried his hardest to let “my weeds” cultivate.  It’s hard looking at yourself in the mirrors, reflecting on your heart and mind’s state is difficult/challenging in deed.  It’s so easy to see someone else’s faults but Satan has a way of convincing you that the condition your heart and soul and mind is in now is fine enough when in fact that’s a weed right there, not being able to shed light to darkness.  Anger, bitterness, discontentment, anxiety, fear are the major weeds in my life I need to pull from my heart. How can I expect God to use my life in a great manner if I still have darkness and weeds rooting themselves in my hear...

Without a doubt with all of the circumstances that have occurred in the past year and a half it has done two things 1)  Overwhelm me, scare me, make me anxious and make me feel like I don’t know up from down. and… 2)  Make me dependent on God.   You know when you’re so low you know you can’t depend on anyone but your Father in Heaven, that you can only look up?  When you know you can trust no one but God?  When you just cry out and know He loves you more then anyone else loves you and you know that love will never cease therefore it makes you just keep going?  My God has been so faithful to me that the best I can do in return is be faithful to Him.  To keep loving Him, needing Him, looking to Him and follow where He leads.   I wish I could say the way I felt in #2 above was how I felt a majority of the time but that would be lying or trying to make myself out for who I desire to be.  Sure I felt the feelings in #2 MANY times bu...

It was a very long and stressful week at the beach vacation this year with my family. So sad. So much was said, so much was brought to the table.  So much hurt but at least the truth was said. I got a lot of my thoughts and feelings out and am just searching. This week has helped me start to realize how I’ve lead my life until now, lead of guilt and pleasing everyone AKA co-dependency. It’s got to stop. I want to be free emotionally and I can be with God's help  While this week was rough it still helped me reflect with my God and for that I am thankful.

I love you.  I can’t explain how it breaks my heart to see you in this state.  To see you deal with what you do, your struggles, your nightmares, your tears, your pain (both emotional and physical), your fear and anxiety.  I wish I could do something to make it all just disappear.  I know this is something you will probably deal with your whole life, but you will not be alone.  I’ll be here to talk, to encourage you, to push you when you need it.  Most importantly, I’ll be here spiritually, praying for you and fighting for you.  Pleading the blood of our Savior Jesus Christ over you.  Tonight you smiled at a moment in The Office.  That smile touched me, it relieved me.   You’ll be okay, I promise.      I love you.

I have an itch.  Something inside my soul that I’m not 100% sure what it is but I have a feeling it will be something big and exciting.  I also know it entails my precious family, Neal, Emery, and I.  I can feel it.....   I'm tired of spending time doing things that are meaningless.  My job is a vicious cycle.  At this point in my life, I'm spending all of this time just trying to earn a buck to keep my family above water financially.  This is on my shoulders because of a human being who keeps denying Neal secondary employment.  I'm not spending as much time with Emery as I like but our culture says materialism and consumerism is life, that everything circles around working.  I know this perspective is backward.     I feel in my spirit there is a day coming when God will bless our faithfulness to Him during this 2-year dry spell.  I feel when this time comes I'll begin to come into my own, discover myself m...